Asides

Potential

Walking in to other people’s homes is like walking into their sanctuary. It is their haven, yet, here am I. The agreement is that I am allowed in as a potential buyer, they as a seller, yet it still seems so audacious to look at their closets and laundry rooms, in the kitchen cabinets and back yard shed.  Laundry rooms are not a usual place to see when visiting others, so it now becomes personal. I walk gently, tenderly opening, closing drawers, so as not to disturb the contents, looking quickly into rooms, just enough to inform myself of the general make-up, but not to intrude.

I dream of possibilities as I look, imagine my sofa in that corner and hot coffee out on their deck. My mind is a whirl with ideas and potential. I could paint walls, plant lilacs, lay down different carpet, put up sheer billowy curtains and…..well I need to first decide if I want this house.

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Transitions are uncomfortable.In my life now 2 sons are making moving job decisions, I am attempting to look for another job as well. It makes me uncomfortable to change, yet I know that somewhere there has to be a risk. A time to risk and a time to settle.. I  would so like to control the outcome of my job search, to know ahead of time a good, safe place that I could contribute my skills to and be appreciated for such. As much as I enjoy most of the folks at my current job, the management has become so “organized” that it is shutting down the individuals who work there. More emphasis on the money and corporation, less on the reason why we are there. The words and the advertizing say there is valuing gong on, but this is verbage not extended to the worker.

walking this through challenges me in many ways…so here I go….after i take a deep and steady-ing breath

 Daily prompt:

Tell us all about the anticipation and delight of eating your favorite dessert.

  Mmmmm a tasty one!

  About the age of 10, my mother started me baking, and one of my weekend jobs was to bake cookies, cake etc for the upcoming week, for my siblings lunches and for after school snacks. So, suffice it to say, I still have a  tendancy to want to err on the side of sweets when given a chance. I won’t blame it on anyone but me,but when I have folks around,I am baking. My tastes have expanded, but I do have that default.

 

  I thin the best things are fresh…freshly baked bread, our family home made strawberry pie (or raspberry, blackberry) I think I love the fresh berries best. They come already sweetened by the sun and just biting into one is like a summer day, a slow sweetness to be savored. My home made pies take little sugar,  none of that store bought “goo” for me, just berries, a bit of sugar, lemon juice and pop them into home made pie crust. Mmmmm

Tell us about the time you threw down the gauntlet and drew the proverbial line in the sand by giving someone an ultimatum. If you’ve never handed out an ultimatum but secretly wanted to, describe the scene and what you would say to put an end (one way or another) to an untenable situation.

 

   I don’t  have to think too long or hard about this one..it could be a work situation or it could be telling off my ex….Hmmm…

   let me choose…

A small room, with every corner and nook filled with colorful therapy equipment. Therapy to sooth soreness or to restore functional mobility. A place of hard work, but hopeful results., a place that confronts fears and dis ability, but also is full of options and choices.

  I love the possibilities here, a place to work hard, to strain to become….but it is becoming a place of watchfulness over details and schedules, endless typing and placement of right wording; Why?

   Why does corporate get to interfere with potential? is it not enough that people come, looking for hope. I want to offer unbridled hope, enthusiastic encouragement. But the joy is being stifled, hidden behind my obligations. I feel I am being Peered at through judging eyes of one in authority, who sweeps in with a perfumed sweetness that leaves  an odor of unmet expectation.

“Why are you..?”  “Where is….?”  “Have you considered…?” “But the expectation is…?”  Innocent sounding phrases, but accompanied with the endlessly peering eyes watching for a mis-step, a wrong, a slow response. This endless watching, seemingly harmless “walk throughs” that turn into inquisition.

 

   So where is My right to be treated with respect? Why should I wither under the peering eyes that look a bit too long for crumbs and details to point out as weakness.

Is this your weakness or mine? why do I feel it is mine when others have not said these things

It is done…I walk and you lose

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Daily Prompt: Beyond the Pale

by michelle w. on January 4, 2014

When was the last time you did something completely new and out of your element? How was it? Will you do it again?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us NEW.

 

I am sooooo behind…Life keeps happening and I have let this writing slide. BUT then I remember, it is not about the commitmentImage to write everyday, (though I feel strongly about doing what I say I will do). Rather , it is the actual writing again and again, learning to grapple with words, phrases, and paragraphs. I  struggle to put thoughts into words and capture them here, so I am learning to be more full of grace toward myself as I re-learn vulnerability. Vulnerability with others as I continue to reveal myself. It is new. It is hopeful. It is scary. But it is worth it.

Numbers….26…..

26 heartbeats before she could hear her own thoughts.

What was it that he said? She recounted in her head the number of times that he said he would be there, and now the message on her cell reflected another promise broken. The time was 4:26 and they were to have met for coffee half an hour ago to catch up on the days since they were last together. Her heart froze as she read his words, “working late, I have 126 emails to catch up on before the big meeting tomorrow”. She kicked off her shoes…they hurt her feet anyway,. Reaching for the soft afgan, she settled into the sofa with a sigh. She opened her book to page 226 to continue reading the science fiction book he had given her for her 26th birthday . She was sure they would have a animated conversation when next they spoke